While one person is using, the other gradually stops living a life of their own. This is not weakness of character and it is not your fault — it is the predictable result of living alongside an illness for years.
Your mood each day depends on the state he is in: sober, and you can breathe; using, and the day is ruined. You check his phone, his pockets, his bank statements. You rehearse in advance what you will say at his work and to your relatives.
You have given up your own plans, holidays, friends and even your own doctor’s appointments, because “this is not the time”. You know more about his affairs than he does, and you carry responsibility for decisions that are not yours to make.
You have promised yourself many times that this was the last time, and every time you have rescued him again. And the surest sign of all: you are reading this page instead of him.
The illness lives on for as long as somebody else pays for it. A debt paid off, a missed shift covered up, apologies made to relatives, money handed over “just for the essentials” — every one of these acts removes a consequence the person was due to meet.
Consequences are the only thing that really gets through to a person with an addiction, because denial turns every argument aside. When they are taken away each time, the moment of asking for help simply never arrives — and the illness quietly goes on getting worse.
This is the hardest part of any conversation with a family: stopping the rescuing looks like cruelty, when in fact it is the only form of help that works.
Separate the person from the illness. Helping the person means treatment, a roof over his head, food, support for sobriety, taking part in the programme. Helping the illness means money for substances or gambling, clearing debts, covering for him at work and with the law.
Set limits you can genuinely hold. One limit you keep is worth ten you announce. If you are not prepared to move out, do not threaten to.
Take back your own life: sleep, medical care, work, friends, simple pleasures. This is not selfishness. Someone at breaking point cannot pull anybody else out of an illness.
Ask for support. Our specialists work with families separately, in person and remotely — the telephone numbers are on the main page of this section.
These reviews are not written by us: they sit on our Google profile, where the owner cannot delete an inconvenient one.
I, Andrey, am now a former drug addict. My entire family struggled with this disease for a long time, but it kept coming back, and I started using again. I completed a rehabilitation course at the ISTOK Center. The center offered classes on specialized rehabilitation methods for addicts. The management and staff were positive and responsive, and everything contributed to my treatment and recovery. The center has a home-like atmosphere. Everything is thought out and calculated so that the addict can truly reflect on their problem and make the right choice, quitting alcohol and drugs. I recommend the ISTOK Center to anyone facing addiction and wanting to change their life for the better by making the right choice. Thank you again for your hard and necessary work and for instilling faith in people.
My name is Sergey, I live in Kharkiv, and I'm 39 years old. Alcohol abuse has been a long-standing problem for me. Recently, I've also become addicted to drugs. I couldn't quit on my own, not the first time, not even the hundredth time. Unfortunately, changing my life for the better was beyond my power. Based on reviews and advice from a friend who had already gone through a similar journey, I learned about the Istok rehabilitation center. The Istok rehabilitation center has restored me to a normal, active, social, and positive life! It has excellent conditions, knowledgeable staff, and the most professional and qualified addiction specialists and psychologists. Here I learned that alcohol addiction is a terrible disease, but by following certain rules, you can live a full life and never return to this addiction. With the help of this center, I returned to my family and work. Thank you so much for my life!
Hello. I'm Marina, 28 years old, and I live in Kyiv. I've had problems with drug use for a long time. I tried to quit, but all my attempts were unsuccessful. Finally, I decided to seek help, and I received genuine, professional, high-quality help, with care and support at the Istok Rehabilitation Center. This center is a godsend for alcohol and drug addicts. Excellent living conditions, qualified staff, and psychologists specializing in addiction. I was told that addiction is incurable, but it's possible to live happily with it; you just need to adopt new principles. Thanks to this center, I overcame all my problems. This is the center you should trust...
The consultation is free and anonymous. It is usually the family who call first rather than the person with the addiction — that is normal, and most recovery stories begin exactly there.
Call us +38 (063) 632-71-17Request a call back
Anonymous, around the clock